Ooo, Ooo That Smell

I’ve finally gotten back into the gym. I allowed myself to take the month of December off from regular exercise (I am a super nice personal trainer). In my own defense, I have to acknowledge that for two weeks of the month we had guests and for one week we were dealing with a full-on family stomach virus. No matter the reasons, I only worked out three times in thirty-one days.

But I went back to the gym ready to sweat. And I now looked the part, as the mister bought me workout clothes for Christmas. Was this an act of support or a big hint? Not yet sure on that one.

I looked swell, in either case.

This is the last weekend of the school holiday. To say that the kids and I have been taking it easy is an understatement. I’m talking, marathon WebKinz sessions on the computer, family Wii challenges, daytime movies with popcorn (and melted butter), kid chef cook-offs-- we went days without leaving the house. The mister would come home to four daughters and a wife in the same pyjamas that he left them in twelve hours before. I didn’t bathe for days. It was glorious...

Like I said, I was decked out in over-priced athletic ware. I looked very serious about my exercise. I hopped on the last elliptical machine available (I mistakenly thought the gym would be empty at 9am Sunday morning).

After about fifteen minutes of ‘cardio’ and really working hard, I was bothered to note that someone smelled. The place was packed, I was surrounded by men and women huffing and puffing. I could not figure out from whom the foul odor was emanating. The young woman next to me weighed about 95 pounds tops. If she sweat enough to cause these noxious fumes she would have dehydrated like a raisin. No, it wasn’t that pixie. There was a big guy in back of me on the treadmill, and he was seriously sweating. It could have easily been him, but he had been on the treadmill when I arrived, I think I would have ‘noticed’ him as soon as I got on my machine.

My 40 minutes of torture ended and I staggered off the elliptical machine and headed to the weights. It was nice and quiet over there. I sat down on the first machine and began my routine, when I smelled that smell again. It was then that I realized, it was coming from me! Oh My God! I’ve never smelled before-- at least not like this! As the mister says, I stank ‘out loud’-- one could almost hear the stench.

I ran away, down to the showers, soaped up, rinsed off, got dressed and drove quickly home.

The horror.

Could all the people packed into that gym smell me? That poor little pixie waif girl-- I am surprised that she didn’t pass out. And that big sweaty guy behind me on the treadmill…I can only hope that there was no draft carrying my eau de perfume back in his direction.

So now I know, if I ever indulge in non-bathing, Wii-playing, marathon days in pyjamas I must take a shower before heading to the gym.